It's all gonna break.

This is actually my second blog of the day, however you wouldn't know it because I have since deleted the former due to a turn of events in the day. The former was a sharing of a life update and some feelings I had toward the future, and the possibility of moving to another state in following after some things I felt encouraged to in my life. Since this morning much has changed. This is primarily due to a phone conversation shorter than an hour in length. In this conversation it was said to me that if an individual truly wants something they need to step up and go after it. And for the past few months more than ever before I had felt that I had been doing just that. Yet the events that culminated today while I sat on the floor of a closet in the master bedroom of what is to eventually be a home for retired seniors, I was let go of. This came with a whirlwind of emotions due to the closeness of hearts in the months preceding. Yet there is still the peace of what is to come in some ways. And the very thing I had prayed for for so many months still sits inside of me with the feeling of reassurance. To which extent I do not understand. This really leaves an already painful situation with a further blow to which I am uncertain of what to do with next.

It was suggested to me today that if all of my prayers have truly led to reinforcement, that possibly I am in a state where waiting is what I am really supposed to do. This seems odd to me for multiple reasons, primarily due to my feelings that while God does have some sort of a plan to which I can not see nor fully understand, generally I have felt that rather than sitting and waiting on Him to move things we are given opportunities to engage in, which is how his plan fits into the picture. Now I am not foolish enough to claim that I know God's plan is in this or any other situation, but I can say with certainty that over that past months there has been a consistency in emotional reaffirming every time I have asked for something. The most recent of significance was this past Friday. And thus today I am overwhelmed with a sense of sadness.

So now for the second time today I am asking for prayers. But instead of asking for direction and a job in Texas, I ask for prayers of hope and peace. For healing. And for my ability to wait on what is to come.