Something in the Wind

Today as I sit here at work, with a semi peaceful felling despite my raging cough.

Earlier my attention was struck by an unusual sound. This directed my eyes to look out the window of the trailer I currently work in, and I was surprised to see a Dust Devil. I immediately rushed to the door to get a better view since my windows have screens, bars and a grate to protect my little office from intruders. What I then witnessed, for whatever reason, was the most beautiful thing I have seen all day. I can not explain what happened, but somewhere emotionally in that moment I was caught up in awe about this whirlwind that slowly moved through my job site. I was brought to a moment of peace. Previously I wasn't fully at peace, as many thoughts have been racing through my mind all day ranging from my daily wrestling with emotional subjects, the miles of work that I need to complete, the curiosity of what I will do following work today as well as this weekend and into the future, the considering of a new job in a field I am more suited for. But the point was that for a brief moment this afternoon I found some relief from all of the stresses of the world by watching how the natural world works. Sometimes living in a city I forget about these things since we have created so many barriers for the natural world to cross in order to show that it does not abide by the laws of man. Even now while I sit here writing I am in amazement as a thunderstorm has come upon me. The power in each strike of lightning, and the calming rain that follows reminds me that there is more hope than the tiny spectrum that I can see in front of me. It is far too easy for me to become so wrapped up in the happenings of right now and miss the fact that I am alive and have a purpose in this world. And this is despite all of my shortcomings and failures to both myself and those around me.

It is a nice thing to have brought to ones attention that there are so many great things in the world despite all of the mess that we as human beings create. This reminder brings a bit of hope to my days.

Questioning the Validity of a Common Sales Tactic, or A Conversation With My Grandfather.

So recently I was eating lunch with my grandparents, as I have been doing more frequently now that my place of employment is only a few minutes from their house. And during this weeks visit my grandmother mentions how the corn we were eating was "organic" and grown locally, therefore it was more expensive that the other products despite the fact that it was the only type of corn available for purchase when she went to King Soopers this week. My grandfathers response.

"I'm not sure I understand why the supermarket calls some food organic. In fact I'm not sure I understand what they mean by 'organic food'. As I recall the study things organic is the study of carbon. So what significance is it to call food organic and sell it for more? This is just silly."

Good point Poppy. This is silly.

On a side note related to organic food, I read a report yesterday that conclusively determined that "organic" food is no better or worse for you than regular food. Interesting. So really I could have saves $.50 on the organic bananas I bought on Monday. Stink.

late night decisions

It's currently late, and about half an hour ago I was tired. It's funny how quickly things change. So now I'm still awake and I've had multiple thoughts running through my head, all of which I think I will write about in the next day or so. So be prepared for a super blast of thoughts over the next 24 hours, assuming I remember them all when I wake. But i wanted to write a quick note about a movie I watched tonight. This is a movie I had seen when I was in high school, and at that point in time I remember thoroughly not enjoying it and walking away feeling like it was stupid. While tonight there were still some of the same feelings I noticed this movie had pretty decent monologues. They all seemed to reflect upon one thing which the general idea was you can't just leave a place, state of mind, emotions or anything and move to a different place and expect things to b different. Human emotions, problems, thoughts etc. follow us more or less where ever we go. There is only one real way to conquer such things, and that is to face them head on. The movie was called "The Beach" and I recall watching it with a handful of church kids in high school; I believe it was a group of girls who had picked the movie due to the current popularity of Leonardo DiCaprio, way to go girls... The following movie as I recall left everyone in the room feeling like two hours could have and should have been spent more wisely, but maybe that was just me. Either way tonight I was watching this movie. And if you are not familiar with the film it's about a character who moves to Thailand in search of something, hopefully paradise, in which to live and escape all of his troubles of the world. Once he finds this island where he believes paradise will be he realizes that it is not what he had hoped, despite temporary moments of feeling wonderful due to his perspective in rejecting anything that did not fulfill his happy state of mind. The characters in the film consequentially are faced with a dilemma when one member of the group becomes very ill due to injury and will die if not given the proper medical attention. Well, no one wanted to help because this was such a downer, so they end up moving this injured fellow outside of their camp culture to die away from them so to get back to the carefree life of living in paradise. While on other fronts our main character realizes his insecurities, while easily glossed over by acting a bit more confident towards others, still exist; as well as his worldly desires, specifically his desire for a flirtatious girl. I believe some character even states something to the extent of, 'You didn't really think that you would stop feeling these emotions just by leaving the mainland culture?'

So this is the thought I have been dwelling on over the past 30+ minutes now that has kept me awake. We can run or leave things all we want, but will we really be escaping the inner darkness of who we are or don't want to be? I think our culture is in a trend at the moment believing that drastic and sometimes silly life changes will free us from some believed scum that we live in and make everything better. I know I will touch on this tomorrow when/if I write but the first example that comes to my mind was struck recently in a conversation with my cousin-in-law about the latest trend that so many people have jumped on of being glutton intolerant, aka allergic to wheat. And by somehow avoiding any wheat intake they will magically feel all better inside, and things such as having gas will stop occurring. This is not to say there is no one out there truly allergic to wheat, I am not ignorant enough to state that to be true, but I will say it seems like it's just another trend in most cases trying to lead people to believe they are proactive about how they live. Once again, this is not necessarily bad, because sure it makes people feel good about themselves. But when does the situation turn from being small things, as ridiculous as they may be, to big things where people are blatantly just avoiding coping with the hardships of life? And what purpose is it to make drastic jumps if we can not or are not willing to recognize that once the trend is gone, we are still with the same issues. In the case of the glutton free people, gas will still exist... assuming that by not eating wheat their gas problem really did disappear. And if it didn't, then we unknowingly ate something with wheat in it and that is the reason for the apparently socially uncomfortable fact that people have gas sometimes. Either way I'm afraid that there will always be some sort of belief that if we can just escape this one thing, if we can just stop eating wheat, if we can just leave behind our baggage we will be able to live happily without ever having to worry about anything ever again. Silly, I know.

Rain

Recently here in Colorado there has been a lot of rain. Rain to the extent that mass flooding has occurred in various places. this has been something I've viewed as both a positive and a negative thing in multiple ways, the most disappointing of which was the decision that camping in a flash flood is just not going to work and so Buckley and I returned home...Another less than ideal situation regarding the flooding has been at my place of employment. I'm currently working for a construction company which has placed me to work at a ground up retirement community. The project began in March and has since developed very quickly, but currently it's a dirt lot with paved streets. Back to the rain, dirt + rain is not a good combination in this instance. Consequentially, mud everywhere; which has left it's complications. But yet other things the rain has hit has actually made improvements. Say my truck, which I'm not sure when the last time I washed it was, it is now relatively clean, at least on the out side. However, I will add that I did clean out a large majority of the mess Sunday morning. None the less, it's interesting to to me to see how the rain erodes away and washes clean much of what exists when given the right conditions.

There's a lot of rain right now.

To Dance

Last night as I sat observing various people at some club I have never been to before and I was thinking about individuals lives. The subject wasn't all of the sudden brought into my thought pattern last night however, really I think this has been something I've been thinking about for a while but the way things are illustrated when you are in a crowd of strangers just seems to bring something out in a different light. So as I sit drinking a cool beverage I am watching people dancing. Now dancing in general is a funny thing, and I'm not fully sure why people dance. Maybe everyone has seen the movie Footloose and have since determined that it is our God given right to dance. And those who want to restrict others from dancing are simply uptight legalistic individuals for whatever reason (most likely religious affiliation) have determined dancing is a terrible social interaction. So bad to the point where it is an inexcusable action which should be ban before everyone in the world is dancing and instilling poor values into our young peoples lives. Or maybe people dance because they feel awkward standing around and aren't sure what to do with their arms so they start moving, followed by a little bounce in the knees and next thing you know dance is occurring. Either way, people were dancing last night. And no, they were not ballroom dancing, or any other type of dancing which has a syncopated movement coinciding with music. But rather it was more of a flailing of arms and legs in correspondence with whoever is closest to them, bumping and grinding as some would say.

So there were these people dancing, and I'm looking at them wondering why I am any different? I can tell you why I'm not out there dancing, which is part I feel uncomfortable doing so also because I didn't want to interact with someone I don't know. I have determined I'm a bit shy in situation like this, given the right situation I will be outgoing but I'm much more of a sit back and observe type. But back to those dancing. I look at them and see lives behind the faces, people who worked possibly worked all week such as I did, or maybe they did nothing all week; but for whatever reason they have decided that for this moment in time they will be here. Out on the dancefloor. Listening to whatever song the DJ has decided upon and moving to the beat. Maybe in doing so they will forget about droning on of the workdays that recently passed at a midlevel desk job. Maybe they seek a companion for the evening, or maybe longer, to feel the closeness of someone. To feel loved. Maybe they are sad, and they are literally dancing their blues away. For what ever reason people choose it falls right in the middle of a life they are moving within. A life full of plans. Dreams. Hopes. Realities. Hurt. Every one of them dancing has reasons.

There are so many faces that I will never know, but yet we share the same space. Whether it be dancing in the same place, or sitting in the same room as someone else, every single person I am around is different. Everyone has emotions and logic behind what they are doing, and consequentially choose to live in various manners to engage with what they believe has value. I've had conversations with some people who don't believe that their actions have anything to do with what they believe and how they plan to live their lives. But rather their actions are meaningless sways of the moment that they happen to find themselves in. I'm not sure I buy this idea of how life fits together, a bunch of random moments that just happen because. I'm more of the train of thought that things happen for reasons. There is logic behind pretty much everything. Like for me, I have my logic behind why I was not out there dancing last night, and that is because I don't find any value in it. But rather I have more value in observing those who have chosen a different path and have some value in being out there to dance. And as I previously mentioned, each individual has their own reason as to why. This is where I'm not quite perplexed, but amazed at the values other people have. Regardless of whether or not I share the same values, I am amazed at how each individual copes with the world around them; with how they choose to live their lives, and the consequent interactions that come because of this. And the excuses they will come up with as to why they do what they do if they are ever questioned. People become very uncomfortable when you start asking questions I've determined. Sometimes they even feel threatened. Sometimes it is to the extent that they will lie to cover up the situation. This is another area where I am baffled. Why do people feel the necessity to cover up how they live? It seems that life would be a lot more pleasant if people lived in a manner they were proud of to where they wouldn't feel any necessity to lie and cover up what they do when others may not be around. If one chooses to dance, let them dance, but they should not be ashamed of dancing or pretend as if they were not. They may not be able to give you a better answer than I just wanted to dance, but that does not void them having a reason for dancing. Rather it is because they may not be able to understand why they are doing it, but from a different perspective it all makes sense. Sometimes it's the hardest to understand why you do something while you are the one doing it, because you can only see in the perspective influenced by your own values which while known to some extent by each individual, sometimes are expressed self-consciously and are completely unknown to this person. Life is so complex, and so is dancing.