bobo

if there was ever any question regarding the popularity of dressing in a gorilla suit and walking the streets, let me assure you, you will become the most popular gorilla suit dressed individual at that point in time. most likely you'll make it in the paper. thus gaining you instant friends, thousands of high fives, and molestation by 60+ year old black ladies.

not much worth while to say

after much debate and such, i suppose other events may have occurred as well, i've decided to try and write songs again. i thought someone might want to know.

another short thought (which after starting changed directions into a longer thought); or, will work for love advice

recently i have started dating, which in truth is some sort of social experiment for me. this has been a very interesting time for me, as many of you know i seem to tense up a bit around new interests and feel like i act like a complete fool. and i probably do. but what i've noticed, and a friend brought up today, is that i am too nice. and it might come off creepy, or if nothing else unusual.

i wrote on being nice, or striving to be, a few months ago, but it seems to have come up in a new arena of life. it's such a funny thing, well rather awkward i suppose. i've gone out with these girls, and have liked one in particular, and i'm pretty sure through my being nice and maybe feeling self conscious, i'm pretty sure she's lost interest. or maybe it's all in my head. it has been quite some time since i really had interest in someone, and let's be honest, i'm still semi-recovering from one major event which i continued to allow myself to take abuse from for two years post. and the truth is i don't want that any more. today i've sat here, probably not the best thing, but i've sat here drinking beer from the left over keg from our party, and feeling rather sad bastardy. granted there is more at play than just this female situation, but none the less it's a part and on my mind currently.

recently i was listening to caedmons call, specifically one song off long line of leavers, and there is this line in the song that says i will work for love advice, followed by i will mow your lawn if you tell me what i'm doing wrong. lately i've felt this a bit. i met this super awesome girl right, and i can't seem to figure out how to keep her attention. or at least i feel this way. maybe she really is into me, and i'm just missing it. i mean, we've gone out 3 times now, and today she came by to drop off my motorcycle helmet (I drove her home last night on the bike). but after i dropped her off last night i just felt stupid. and pathetic stupid really, i had tears welling up. while on my motorcycle, on my 10 minute ride home at 1:30 am. maybe i'm just not ready for this, but at the same time i feel i am. i am in a place in life where, despite these writings, i've been really happy. life is good, work is work, friends are great, all of the usual things i write about in the positive are still great. so i'm stuck.

at the same time i have dear friends who always tell me how amazing i am, which feels very unusual to have friends tell you this, rather embarrassing truthfully, and upon the discussion of my "love life" or what have you they can't understand. nor can i. maybe it's really that i just long for deep connections with others, and currently i'm lacking in this area regardless of whether it may be romantic or otherwise. maybe i'm just bored. either way i know for certain that i'm less than thrilled with feeling the way i've been throughout today. so this is th point that i ask for your advice and you email it to me. you can give me your theories, thoughts, suggestions, and otherwise, and maybe i'll take it as another social experiment and report back with progress.

still kickin

well, today i am sitting in a panera bread, remembering yet again that i have not updated this near enough... so here is a simple run down of life over the past months. lost my job in jan, hired with a new company in feb, started working night shifts (not recommended), found a new drummer for th 4h, he moved here beginning of april, worked on the house a bit, in a motorcycle accident, recovered from motorcycle accident, night shifts finish back to normal hours, start playing shows with 4h, house party with friends, almost went to texas (again), enjoy the weather and feel quite optimistic about life.

so there you have it. yes, i am aware there is one pretty traumatic event which occurred which many of you may not know about yet. i am alright, really. although i do have quite the scar to show from it. but it makes for a good story, or at least it helps facilitate good made up stories. so far i've stuck to saving children from mountain lions, and as of this weekend bears were involved. in reality it has been suggested i fall into one of two categories, either a. really lucky or b. someone is looking out for me. my neck was cut pretty badly and i had more stitches than anyone i've ever met before. the laceration starts around my right collar bone/trachea and makes it's way up to my left ear(ish). however, the incredible part is that the wound jumps over a very important part of my body, which is the main artery in my neck. also, it was suggested by doc's, paramedics and nurses that if i hadn't been wearing my helmet i would not have made it, and that i was lucky (this is gonna get a little gross, sorry) i was not decapitated. so, something greater was working that night. no broken bones, and i walked (relatively) out of the hospital the next day. so that's that.

well, we are on the verge of summer here in colorado, and the weather could not be more encouraging to the beginning of something great! after this past weekend i have determined this has the potential to be the best summer i've experienced in a long time. great friends, great house, great music, amazing weather, incredible state, and the best dog anyone could ever own will be moving in with me soon (upon the installation of the back fence). so really, life is grand.

life turns

somethings are not really all that well explained. such things as to why my life has come to where it is today. i recently lost my job, which has lead me to a bit of free time. lots of sitting, listening to music, thinking, and other things which might normally come with such great amounts of time. i've spent a bit of this time with a few individuals who have reminded me of where i came from. who i was years ago. and i've missed much of that. when did i allow life to get so complicated? when did everything in the world become so uptight and disinterested in anything but their own satisfaction? when did my heart become afraid to be me? it never fully disappeared, but it's as if i went into hiding with this new discovery of the world. as though life previously wasn't good. while i've grown in my understanding of how i believe things should interact, this really shouldn't have changed the root of my hopes for life. it's time for a bit of change i suppose.