well, today i am sitting in a panera bread, remembering yet again that i have not updated this near enough... so here is a simple run down of life over the past months. lost my job in jan, hired with a new company in feb, started working night shifts (not recommended), found a new drummer for th 4h, he moved here beginning of april, worked on the house a bit, in a motorcycle accident, recovered from motorcycle accident, night shifts finish back to normal hours, start playing shows with 4h, house party with friends, almost went to texas (again), enjoy the weather and feel quite optimistic about life.
so there you have it. yes, i am aware there is one pretty traumatic event which occurred which many of you may not know about yet. i am alright, really. although i do have quite the scar to show from it. but it makes for a good story, or at least it helps facilitate good made up stories. so far i've stuck to saving children from mountain lions, and as of this weekend bears were involved. in reality it has been suggested i fall into one of two categories, either a. really lucky or b. someone is looking out for me. my neck was cut pretty badly and i had more stitches than anyone i've ever met before. the laceration starts around my right collar bone/trachea and makes it's way up to my left ear(ish). however, the incredible part is that the wound jumps over a very important part of my body, which is the main artery in my neck. also, it was suggested by doc's, paramedics and nurses that if i hadn't been wearing my helmet i would not have made it, and that i was lucky (this is gonna get a little gross, sorry) i was not decapitated. so, something greater was working that night. no broken bones, and i walked (relatively) out of the hospital the next day. so that's that.
well, we are on the verge of summer here in colorado, and the weather could not be more encouraging to the beginning of something great! after this past weekend i have determined this has the potential to be the best summer i've experienced in a long time. great friends, great house, great music, amazing weather, incredible state, and the best dog anyone could ever own will be moving in with me soon (upon the installation of the back fence). so really, life is grand.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
life turns
somethings are not really all that well explained. such things as to why my life has come to where it is today. i recently lost my job, which has lead me to a bit of free time. lots of sitting, listening to music, thinking, and other things which might normally come with such great amounts of time. i've spent a bit of this time with a few individuals who have reminded me of where i came from. who i was years ago. and i've missed much of that. when did i allow life to get so complicated? when did everything in the world become so uptight and disinterested in anything but their own satisfaction? when did my heart become afraid to be me? it never fully disappeared, but it's as if i went into hiding with this new discovery of the world. as though life previously wasn't good. while i've grown in my understanding of how i believe things should interact, this really shouldn't have changed the root of my hopes for life. it's time for a bit of change i suppose.
Friday, December 4, 2009
news
about ten minutes ago i dosed off while playing guitar (yes it's been a long week). i awoke to a loud thump and a "ahhhh". i go look out the back of the house thinking it might be a room mate moving in who dropped something at while trying to open the door, but nothing. so i go to the front. open the door, and see my recycling bin has arrived, but this could not have been the clatter which i heard. suddenly my focus goes straight to 3rd ave. there is a car parked between both lanes of traffic, and a man with a bicycle upside down. it all makes sense. he was hit in front of my house. i ask if he is alright, if he need any help, he says no but now his handle bars are messed up. so i twist them back into place for him, he asks me for a dollar, to which i show him all i have is a crumpled receipt. i receive a god bless, and he rides away muttering about bad drivers. exciting events at(or rather in front of) the house off third.
Saturday, November 28, 2009
alone
the days grow longer. clouds gather sometimes, and the wind blows. faces are everywhere, each one of them cares, yet none have cured the pain which eats away at our hearts. routines are all that seem to be evident. the only familiarity is the understanding that you are alone.
maybe it's depression. maybe it's only seasonal. maybe it really is life circumstances, ironic they always seem to fall one upon the other to compile this great mass which weighs heavily upon my chest.
almost once a year i feel that i experience what so many others feel throughout life. i've determined it must be one of the most common feelings amongst living beings today. this of course is the feeling of alone. separation. isolation.
this could be rational for how we live our lives. or maybe we have just become more desperate for human contact. for anyone to listen. we will almost go to near death extents just for someone to see us. to pay attention. to notice. we have so many internet tools to make this possible, take twitter for instance. i have a friend on twitter who i sometimes get tired of reading home much crap they post, as if someone really wants to know or cares about what they think all day. sure it's fun to post and tell miscellaneous people all across the world what you're doing or what you thought about such and such, but is this not just another filler to make us believe that someone somewhere cares? there are millions of examples, but yet does it really mean we are understood? and if we were truly understood, would we no longer feel alone? or would our definition and understanding of alone simply change and become more complex. constantly evolving to where no simple response can break the complexity of what it is to feel alone? because sometimes maybe it feels nice to believe that no one understands. then we might be unique, original, or important due to this lack of relation which is really nothing more than feeling alone.
alone is interesting in that no matter how much we mess everything up, no matter how great we have done, there is always a place of comfort in knowing there is no comfort. or at least we can block any such comfort. we can toss away everything we thought we wanted for whatever reason, and wander the streets alone. but still there is the pain. standing amidst so many people, none of whom really know you (or at least this is what you have convinced yourself), surrounded yet alone. feeling more alone than ever. there is such defeat yet so much comfort in feeling alone.
maybe it's depression. maybe it's only seasonal. maybe it really is life circumstances, ironic they always seem to fall one upon the other to compile this great mass which weighs heavily upon my chest.
almost once a year i feel that i experience what so many others feel throughout life. i've determined it must be one of the most common feelings amongst living beings today. this of course is the feeling of alone. separation. isolation.
this could be rational for how we live our lives. or maybe we have just become more desperate for human contact. for anyone to listen. we will almost go to near death extents just for someone to see us. to pay attention. to notice. we have so many internet tools to make this possible, take twitter for instance. i have a friend on twitter who i sometimes get tired of reading home much crap they post, as if someone really wants to know or cares about what they think all day. sure it's fun to post and tell miscellaneous people all across the world what you're doing or what you thought about such and such, but is this not just another filler to make us believe that someone somewhere cares? there are millions of examples, but yet does it really mean we are understood? and if we were truly understood, would we no longer feel alone? or would our definition and understanding of alone simply change and become more complex. constantly evolving to where no simple response can break the complexity of what it is to feel alone? because sometimes maybe it feels nice to believe that no one understands. then we might be unique, original, or important due to this lack of relation which is really nothing more than feeling alone.
alone is interesting in that no matter how much we mess everything up, no matter how great we have done, there is always a place of comfort in knowing there is no comfort. or at least we can block any such comfort. we can toss away everything we thought we wanted for whatever reason, and wander the streets alone. but still there is the pain. standing amidst so many people, none of whom really know you (or at least this is what you have convinced yourself), surrounded yet alone. feeling more alone than ever. there is such defeat yet so much comfort in feeling alone.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
another morning short
so i'm sitting here on my bed waiting to head out to work since i don't have to be in until 8 today, so lets see if i can write anything decent in ten minutes.
as many of you know, i recently purchased a house. it's a great house. however it needs a bit of work. this is what seems to happen when you purchase a hundred and twenty three year old house that's previous owners abused greatly. but i have discovered a great deal about the house, and have had a lot of questions about it's history in the mean time. who was the house built for? clearly it was for a larger family back at the turn of the century (roughly). but who were they? what did they do? and with that, what did most people do at that time here in denver? miners and railroad workers seemed to be the primary residents of the great state i call home. did the builders of my house fall into these categories? what was life like for them? what problems did they face? did they wrestle with the idea of existing in a world where they were uncertain of what they desired? or was life much simpler, and each individual was simply a piece to a puzzle? and further, do we actually fit into that same puzzle, only that we have made the puzzle much more complex in our heads due to our restlessness of of our belief in how the world operates around us?
one of these days i'll have to make it down to the library and look up the old public records and learn about these people who built my house on third and broadway. at that point i'll probably share the information so you to can have the answers to all these questions and more; since i know all of you think in the same manner i do and are just dying to know...
with that it is time to go. off to work another day.
as many of you know, i recently purchased a house. it's a great house. however it needs a bit of work. this is what seems to happen when you purchase a hundred and twenty three year old house that's previous owners abused greatly. but i have discovered a great deal about the house, and have had a lot of questions about it's history in the mean time. who was the house built for? clearly it was for a larger family back at the turn of the century (roughly). but who were they? what did they do? and with that, what did most people do at that time here in denver? miners and railroad workers seemed to be the primary residents of the great state i call home. did the builders of my house fall into these categories? what was life like for them? what problems did they face? did they wrestle with the idea of existing in a world where they were uncertain of what they desired? or was life much simpler, and each individual was simply a piece to a puzzle? and further, do we actually fit into that same puzzle, only that we have made the puzzle much more complex in our heads due to our restlessness of of our belief in how the world operates around us?
one of these days i'll have to make it down to the library and look up the old public records and learn about these people who built my house on third and broadway. at that point i'll probably share the information so you to can have the answers to all these questions and more; since i know all of you think in the same manner i do and are just dying to know...
with that it is time to go. off to work another day.
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